Hayley's Blog

Why the Heck Did THIS Relationship Show Up?

7/10/2017


Relationships enhance our lives. Well, most of them anyway. I’ve wondered — more than once — why the heck someone showed up in my life.

Have you?

But even when you benefit in some way, because we ALWAYS do, there are also relationships you should walk away from: they’re emotionally harmful, or even dangerous. Even when you realize this, it can be hard to leave.

Why would it be hard to walk away from a relationship you know is not good for you? Well, you might be repeating toxic patterns that have been with you since childhood. Think about calling a therapist for support.

Other times, the relationship sours and we think we are being strong by “hanging in there” or because keeping commitments is important to us. And, yes, that’s honorable, but if a relationship is not working for whatever reason – and you’ve tried to work on it – it might already be over. Let it go.

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done.

Leaving a relationship when you’re still in love is heart-wrenching. You want the relationship to work, and when it’s not, you hope the person will change. Well, maybe you’re the one who needs to change. Either way, if it’s not working, let go of the fantasy. It’s hard but it’s okay to leave while you’re still in love.

Cut Off Contact

If you’re living with or married to the person, cutting off all contact will make it easier to let go. If you have children, it’s a little more challenging, but still possible. Some situations might make it impossible to cut off all contact, but try to work through a mediator or friend if you can.

If you continue to see the person despite your efforts to come apart, you run the risk of reopening wounds that are trying to heal. Nothing hurts worse than a broken heart. Be kind to yourself (and your former love) and don’t rub it in.

Make Peace, Forgive

This one might be a little tough at first, especially if there are hard feelings. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It just means letting go on a deeper level. And forgiving is for YOU not the other person. They may not even want your forgiveness or think they may not have done anything to warrant it. It’s YOU who will suffer from the anguish of holding on to anger and resentment, not them.

Love Yourself More

The most important thing you can do when you’re letting go of a relationship is to love yourself more. Be super compassionate with yourself. Take a peaceful, quiet bath with essential oils. Buy yourself flowers!

Instead of going over and over WHY this relationship showed up in the first place, trust that there was a reason. Cut yourself some slack and take things easy. Time will heal.

XO,

Hayley






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