Betrayal … even the sound of the word carries a certain energy.
Betrayal implies a deliberate violation of trust or confidence. It’s something that has probably affected most of us at one time or another, and it’s like a sharp knife in the back.
I know what it feels like to be betrayed, too. Someone I trusted did something that hurt so friggin’ much I didn’t think I’d ever come back from it. Because, you know, that’s how betrayal feels. It’s one of the most painful experiences in life and one of the hardest to get over.
Someone once said, “The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies.” So true! Betrayal is a hand dealt by someone you’ve been vulnerable with; one who knows your secrets; a person you trust.
How do you get through it? It isn’t easy, but it’s doable. Here are a few tips that worked for me and if you follow them, I know they’ll work for you.
Stop Replaying The Details
Because it can be devastating, we often replay the details of the betrayal over and over in our heads. This is partly because we’re trying to make sense of it; to process something we can’t wrap our heads around.
But you know what? All this mental rewind does is prevent us from moving past the pain. The solution?
Self talk. Remind yourself that what’s done is done. It’s over. There is nothing you can do about it. And then think about something else. Listen to music.
Don’t Blame Yourself
A common response to the backlash of betrayal is self-blame.
“Why didn’t I see this coming?”
“What did I do wrong?”
When someone betrays you, it’s not your fault. They CHOSE to be disloyal and the reason doesn’t matter. Questions like these will never help you make sense of what happened because betrayal doesn’t make sense. It’s not about you, period.
Betrayal is super complicated and you may never come to terms with it, but you can move past it. And you must! The more time and energy you waste going over it, the longer it takes to bring back the quality of life you deserve before the set back.
Most people strive to be their best selves, even those who betray. You can be sure that behind the betrayal is some kind of pain. And remember, we can also be the betrayer. Whatever prompts the decision to act may cost us a relationship. But just like when we’re on the other side, it doesn’t mean we can’t come back from it.
Where do we go from here? Forgive. You can’t change the past, but letting it go will allow you to move on.