Stop Being A Doormat: How to Set Boundaries + Keep Your Sanity

Hey, my friends! I’m Hayley Hobson and I’m so glad you’re here! Welcome to the 10/10 Podcast where I help ambitious women like you, look + feel younger, so you can achieve a 10/10 lifestyle (and unlock financial freedom).

So I have a confession.

I’m not perfect.

I have my bad moments.

I get compressed.

I have my backslides.

And I have my breakdowns.

“I’m just going to announce this right now… I’m about to lose my shit.” 

That’s what I said to my family the other day.

For realz. LOL

Followed by a bit of a screaming fit…

Which I told them would last no more than 5 min.

At least I gave them a disclaimer, right?

But you guys, I had reached my breaking point. 

I bet you’ve been there, too.

Where you have just reached.your.damn.limit.

So yeah, that was me that day.

And ya know what I always say…

Every breakdown leads to a breakthrough!

So even though it may not seem  ideal at the time...

And instead of feeling guilty, or blaming someone else…

Embrace your breakdown.I didn’t blame my fam for why I had such an extreme reaction…

I decided to hit pause – and look within.

I went deep and did the work to figure out how I got to that point. 

And what I realized is: 

I wasn't holding proper boundaries. 

I always make myself available.

Too damn available, if I’m being honest about it.

Combine that with the compression I was feeling about my calendar and intentions on my to-do list that day...

It was an explosion ready to happen.

I lost it because I was committed to staying focused and I just kept getting interrupted.

Not even knocks on the door but full-on barging in for little questions like, “Hey, have you seen my headphones?”

Or “What are we doing for dinner tonight?”

Or, “What time are we leaving again?”

Or screaming AT me through the walls, asking me questions and expecting me to answer! 

Any of that sound familiar to you? LOL

Basically, not urgent stuff.

At least to me.

And still stuff that somehow in their minds was urgently MY responsibility at the moment.

Worthy of interrupting what I actually considered my responsibility at the moment.

And to be real with you, it literally drives me insane – especially when I’m in a workflow. 

Anyway, these micro-interruptions derail me and it can take me a realllll long time to get back into my flow state.

Plus, if I’m honest, they don’t really need a glorified babysitter.

Anyway… that day, I was feeling compressed ‘cause I’d been traveling and revamping my biz a bit… 

So my intention was to buckle down and get shit done.

So that was the context of my breakdown.

And I now recognize that I created everything that happened.

It was my fault.

It was because of my poor communication.

I hadn’t been clear with anyone else about what it looks like for me when I am committed to working. 

AKA: I prefer quiet. And I prefer my space.

And because I hadn’t communicated or set this boundary…

Up until that moment…

I gave them permission to come into my office, at any time, asking for.all.the.things, and requiring my assistance to do, well…everything! 

I had been allowing this – and not doing my part – for quite a long time.

And I’d become a doormat. 

I had enabled them into a behavior that was not sustainable. 

And then I lost it.

Now, I’m not saying this to complain or to enroll you in my story…

I’m sharing this so you, too, may be able to see an area where you’ve allowed yourself to become overly available. 

Really look within and ask yourself…

  • Where have you created chaos in your life due to lack of boundaries?
  • Where can you be more expressive and clear in your communication? 
  • Where can you ask for help?

And how can I help support you/coach you so you, too are able to set boundaries in your own life?

Because, and I know this sounds nuts but it’s soooo true…

Sometimes, we want someone to remind us – and give us permission – to set those boundaries.

And I’m down to do that with you.

And RN, I’m actually opening up my inner circle – my weekly group coaching call – so you can get that support… literally experience it for yourself…

In a one-hour, deep dive, and ultra-transformational coaching call. 

On the house.

So, if you’re not getting the results you want in your life…

If you don’t feel like you have time or energy or focus to do all.the.things… or like you’re sucking at life or work right now…

Or maybe relationships… 

Or you’ve lost who you are and who you wanna be…

And you want some sort of catalyst to break free from that…

This is your no-brainer opportunity.

‘Cause I’m literally taking away all the risk.

And letting you experience it first. 

Before you commit. 

For one hour. 

You can let me know you’re in by going to – and dropping your name and email there.

I’ll send you all the details to get into my circle (and what I call the hot seat) right away.

Now here’s the thing…

If you’re on the fence…. and you don’t wanna shift… that’s up to you.

I mean, I know I can support you in shifting your way of being so you show up differently.

Get a different result than the one you’ve been getting.

Up until now. 

But no worries.

Don’t sign up.

Honestly, I’d rather you say “No thanks” than say yes and then not show up.

Because I’m not impressed with people who say yes and then don’t show up or take action.  There’s a bigger issue going on there.

Maybe people pleasing. And yes, I can coach on that too so you actually honor your word.

Because you are only as good as your word.

But if you're not ready to honor your word… be your word…

Don’t sign up to please me.

Sound fair?

Ok great.

So, let’s get more into this breakdown story…

AKA: How NOT to let yourself become a doormat. LOL

I realize after some deep reflection and self-coaching that I still carry some fear (and guilt) around working too much vs being present for my family.

‘Cause that’s something that’s come up in the past.

And it’s something I’ve really been mindful of – and working on.

And it’s kinda like I swung too far the other way.

What that breakdown REALLY came down to was the fact that I was so afraid of working too much that I allowed them to come into my space whenever they want.

Which is a self worth issue I’ve inherited from the past.

An “I’m not good enough” story.

A people pleasing issue, too.

And even though I do have days where I end earlier… I do have flex Fridays… and I  don’t work on the weekends…

I still get to have boundaries.

And I also get to do a better job of communicating what I’m working on—and what I need—with my family.

For example, if I’m gonna be in a 1-hour Zoom meeting, then I’m gonna let them know. 

And that if I’m walking to the kitchen to get my coffee or whatever, I may still be working.

In other words, I get to be more expressive and clear in my communication so they are grounded in my intention.

I will no longer be a doormat.

Or enable behavior that’s not sustainable.

Not only does this apply to the work I do in my business, but to my personal life as well.

Here’s another example…

We went out to dinner.

Me, Wes, Madeline, and a friend of mine.

And after dinner we headed down the street.

Madeline wanted to get ice cream at Häagen-Dazs.

Wes had to go to the bathroom so he popped into another restaurant and said, “I’ll meet you there.”

So Madeline and I were like, “Cool, sounds good.”

My friend and I started walking slowly.

Madeline was already ahead of me.

Now here’s the thing… Häagen-Dazs was only a block and a half away from where we had eaten.

But Wes called me to ask where we were – and where Häagen-Dazs was.Meanwhile, Madeline was half a block ahead of me, calling and texting me at the same time, asking where I was ‘cause I’m the one paying for the ice cream.

So I’m literally in the middle of the two, fielding communications that, let’s be honest… were totally unnecessary.

And most people would have lost it!

Madeline could have turned around to see where I was.

She also could have simply sat down and waited.

Wes could have used Dr. Google on his phone to find out where Häagen-Dazs was.

And I realized… I was the one who created this dynamic.

I was the one, up until then, who ALLOWED this dynamic.

Making them reliant on me… instead of being self-reliant.

Maybe you resonate with that.

Maybe you’re the person everyone turns to for every little thing.

And maybe you’re over it too.

And again, I’m not playing victim.

I do not believe I am an overburdened wife or mom.

I am not complaining.

What I AM saying is… I acknowledge that I create everything that happens around me. 

So if I don’t like it, I have the power to change it.

So let me ask you…

Where do you do this in your life?

Maybe it’s in your business.

Maybe it’s with your family.

If you feel like a human Google app, it’s a call for you to acknowledge the dynamic – and shift it.

You don’t have to be a victim about it either.

You still get to be accountable to yourself.

You still get to identify and then communicate your boundaries.

And you still get to hold everyone else accountable to those boundaries, too.

In my case, I get to determine what I need in order to feel successful – I get to be clear with myself.

And then, I get to have clear communication with my family.

I get to work on my own leadership so I can be set up for success.

And as a result, not react on the backend.

It’s up to me.

If it’s ever meant to be, it’s up to me.

So I commit to get grounded in my intention. 

And then set everyone else up for success. 

It could be as simple as telling them, “Between the hours of 10-2 today, or whatever… do not open my door.”

And then get an agreement by them – and hold them to it.

Sounds simple, right?

But it’s not always simple. 

And I bet you fall into this trap like I do, too.

Lacking boundaries.

Allowing people to walk all over you.

Whether it’s professionally or personally.

And the thing you don’t realize by creating this dynamic is… you’re not doing those people any favors.

They get to show up for themselves

They get to fuel their OWN future breakdown. Lol.

This “setting boundaries” process can be challenging – especially when you’ve gone wayyyy too long without doing it.

And then communicating those boundaries in a way that will land and be accepted and agreed to can also be difficult.

But it’s totally possible.

And I can coach you through it.

If you’d like help with that… or maybe discovering what boundaries you actually want and get to have in order to feel successful…

I will help you.

It’s exactly the kind of thing we do in my weekly Coaching Circle.

And right now, I’m opening up access to you to experience it for yourself first. 

With zero risk or commitment.

This opportunity is usually only available to my 10/10 Club community for a monthly fee.

BUT right now, I’m gifting a LIVE session to you FREE. 

So you can see if it’s for you.

You can let me know you’re in by going to – and dropping your name and email there.

I’ll send you all the details to get into my circle (and what I call the hot seat) right away.

That's it for me today, friends.

I’ll see you online.